Posts Tagged ‘humor’

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OK, my plan has always been to live to be 100. The closer I get to that age the more I am rethinking that idea. I have now upped it to 110. Why you might ask??????

Because I have endless curiosity! I think I just might be able to learn everything I want to learn by then.

I do have one big issue! My knees are not always happy. I live in a house that has steps. Yes, the only way I can get into the main living area of my house is to climb steps. Also, my studio is in the lower level (basement) so I am up and down and up and down many times each day.

On Tuesday I over did it AND chose (wrongly) to ignore it. Soooooo by the end of the day on Wednesday I could not bend my knee without it hurting! DAH! Yes, I can be a true idiot and bury my head in the sand when it comes to my health. I am a big believer that if I don’t pay attention to it THE IT will go away.

I could get away with that when I was younger. Judo injuries disappeared in a day or two. Finally had to stop Judo because it began to take too long to get my body back together.

So sadly – now it only takes a dozen or so trips up and down the steps before my knee or knees start to hurt. I have now decided that I can take action before that happens. I can put on my knee brace before I start running the steps. I could also take an aspirin or ibuprofen when it starts to bother me. I HATE PILLS!

The other issue is that there is NO WAY into my house without using the steps or walking up the hill in front of my house. So we come to the bottom line and I do mean bottom line. As I said before I need to ditch some weight. Not tons of it but enough of it.

BECAUSE:

Every pound of excess weight exerts about 4 pounds of extra pressure on the knees. So a person who is 10 pounds overweight has 40 pounds of extra pressure on his knees; if a person is 100 pounds overweight, that is 400 pounds of extra pressure on his knees. “So if you think about all the steps you take in a day, you can see why it would lead to premature damage in weight-bearing joints,” says Dr. Matteson.

http://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/comorbidities/obesity-arthritis/fat-and-arthritis.php

I felt really great when I weighed 130 pounds. Currently I am at 157. That means that I am not gigantic and since I do exercise most (not all) of it is fairly well contained. BUT that means with every step I take I am putting an extra 108 pounds of stress on my knees! Eeeeek!!!!! So if you add the 108 to 157 I end up with a total of 265 pounds on each step since I do take them one foot at a time. And if I am doing them fast it means that for a few seconds I am airborne then boom my total weight plus the extra hits the step as my foot lands then exerts maximum force to push down and get my other foot to land on then next step. SIGH!!!!!!

So I will be paying more attention to my body mechanics, I will cut down on my favorite calories, and start doing more walking.

So this Chubby Old Lady will be working hard at being the comfy, squishy, huggable Yaya mentally and being the much more fit and physically comfortable Yaya. I want to be able to pick up, run, jump, and play with my grandkids Yaya for the next 45 years or so. One hundred and ten here I come!!!!!

hugs,
TCOL

PS So far I am Coca-Cola FREE! Yeah!!!!!!

 

 

 

I love this wonderful amazing brown bubbling liquid over lots and lots of ice. My issue is that I love it too much. I love it so much that my most comfy jeans ended up being no longer comfy.

Yes, it was a sad day when I had to get out my wonderfully stretchy yoga pants and haul them up over a stomach that I swear was not mine. I was sure that someone had come in the night and replaced mine with someone else’s. Who would do such a thing?

The other small issue was the bathroom scale. For some reason it now knew no limits. It kept edging up one little pound at a time.

I needed my Coca-Cola. It was my reward for doing the stuff I didn’t want to do. The reward for lack of sleep so that I could keep going, I mean really I was not guzzling down 2 liter bottles BUT it seemed that my body was no longer in the mood to forgive a few extra calories here and there and more here than there.

So I banned it.

Sigh!

BUT I can zip my comfy jeans again and they do have a nice gap in the waist and I just might be ready for my doctor appointment.

Now my other issue along these lines is my love for a frozen coke. No matter what size I get, how I drink it, if I eat food with it, or anything else I have tried . . . I still seem to suffer from brain freeze.

Now I think I am fairly bright, so one would think with a great interest in science that I would have figured out that if this keeps happening . . . well then maybe I should stop stalking these things of pleasure and pain. So far it has ended up in the same category, as the Coca-Cola so I have been brain freeze free for the last few weeks.

More to come from The Chubby Old Lady with issues . . .

 

Welcome to Free Books Friday. The holidays are coming.

I have 3 books online at Smashwords.com

Please visit my page and feel free to use these codes to download a free book or 2 or all 3.

Go to:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MBorell

These codes are good until January 1st, 2015.

hugs to all,
marcia

Cover for Meditations: Between the Light and the Storm

Cover for Meditations: Between the Light and the Storm

PS – want to publish something – check out Smashwords. Another writer recommended it to me and I will be using it for more of my books.

My Free Book Codes:

Toothbrush A Day with Correy the Toothbrush
Your coupon code is YZ66H (not case-sensitive).

The Peep Of Wilde Chicz
Your coupon code is LZ26Y (not case-sensitive).

Meditations: Between the Light and the Storm
Your coupon code is NM36A (not case-sensitive).

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First published in FMAM: Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine, Fall 2003

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Red Squirrel – A twabble
By Marcia A. Borell

The hyperactive climbing, jumping red squirrel bounces across my yard. He gnaws strewn seeds. I focus my camera. Snap.

A Twabble is exactly 100 characters long… counting punctuation but not: spaces, linefeeds, etc. http://twitfic.net/sizingtool/twabble_sizing_fun.htm

My cell phone – My lack of attachment
By Marcia A. Borell

My cell phone, for the most part, lives in my 6 inch x 4.5 inch x 3 inch thick black leather shoulder bag. It lives there with either my large ring of keys or my 4 inch x 2.25 inch x 1 inch cameras. Yes, I have 2 Sony cameras – the other is a bit smaller. I am not sure my phone is happy. I think it knows that I do not truly love it, care about it, and ignore it until I need it. I am devoted to my cameras. They capture those special moments. My phone is for immediate needs, immediate questions, and immediate fixes. It is not a smart phone; it is a flip tracfone and being a person that prefers voice to voice contact… I do not text. Perhaps that is why it decided to go into hiding Friday night, maybe just to see if I cared.

My cell phone was super useful to communicate with my family as we tried to arrange a time for all to gather at the park for dinner and play time for all of my grandchildren. There were many delays but it worked out and my camera got lots of great photos and even some wonderfully cute movies. The phone lost its spot to the camera and keys ending up in my pocket. It was a rather shallow pocket but worked for those moments when I needed quick access to use it.

The day was drawing to an end, it was time to pack up and get the kids home. I was going to watch two of them overnight and was really happy to get to spend some extra time with them. We had a great time, a wonderful weekend of love and laughs and many more photos. I have a land line so my cell phone is not my principle way of making phone contact.

Sunday came and it was time to put more time on my phone. I had not needed to go shopping so I had not opened my black leather bag until then. When I did I had my keys and that was all I had. No cell phone.

I went from shock to what the #@%* did I do with my phone. I had taken my camera out immediately on getting home. I had absolutely no memory of the phone… I seemed to remember throwing it on the passenger seat of my car… but it was not there when I went to check.

I did use the land line and called my phone. It did not answer me. It was Sunday I began the search. Books flew off of the nightstand, the dust bunnies under beds were inspected, drawers opened and turned inside out, anything with pockets was checked and rechecked. Nothing.

That Sunday night I could not sleep. I needed to check the park. My cell phone could have jumped ship and fallen from my pocket. Monday I was at the park at 7:30 AM, the morning light was good, the grass was wet, the sprinklers had been on. My poor phone – had it fallen onto the road and become a hit and run victim, was it wet, had it been picked up by a stranger, if I found it would it still work?

I did not find it. Still nothing! The search continued all day and night Monday.

Today, Tuesday, I took my husband’s advice and pulled my car into the sunshine. I unloaded every bit of trail mix, every crumpled tissue, every wrinkled receipt, every water bottle cap, and every bit of trash that had hidden under the seats of my car.

As long as I was cleaning out all the crevices I decided to also vacuum it out. And if I was going to vacuum it out, I might as well do a thorough job and move the seats up and really get in there and clean.

I was vacuuming the behind the passenger seat when I noticed a small black bump in the track for the seat. Hmmmm, it did not match the track on the other side. I picked at it and knocked the object out of the track. I could not believe it. It was my phone. I was thrilled. I closed the car doors and ran into the house.

The phone was dead but was easily revived with some defibrillation from its power cord. I also immediately got on my computer and added an additional 90 days of life and an extra 60 minutes. It is now evening here. I have a clean car. I have my cell phone. I am happy. I hope my cell phone is happy. It is back in my black shoulder bag next to my keys.

Don’t tell anyone but I did give it a little kiss. I did tell it I missed it and I was very happy it was back. And yes, I have checked my black shoulder bag a few times to make sure it is still there. Maybe I will knit or crochet my cell phone a little wrap in hot pink or warning yellow – black fades much too easily into the darkness. Maybe I should give it a name… maybe Kitty… you get less weird looks in a park if you are calling, “Here Kitty. Here Kitty, Kitty.”

monkandcleansmall

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                 All three were first published in FMAM: Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine, Autumn 2004

These are for my cousin, a huge Monk fan!

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And one more!  Enjoy!

 

 

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First published in FMAM:  Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine Summer 2003

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First published in FMAM: Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine October- December 2003

 

First Published in FMAM: Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine Fall 2003 – Enjoy!

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